


Take out my insides

by LonelyAngel



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Angst with a Happy Ending, Heart Attacks, Hospitals, Illnesses, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-06-17 06:22:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15455259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LonelyAngel/pseuds/LonelyAngel
Summary: Josh tells him they fixed his heart. He says Tyler is going to be fine.He doesn't tell him that he's not human anymore.





	Take out my insides

Tyler is laughing, Tyler is running, he's jumping, he's feeling alive.  
He is alive and it feels so good, it almost hurts.

  
His cheeks hurt from smiling, his feet are bruising and his throat starts aching, but it doesn't matter. He's human, he's alive and breathing.

  
This is his stage, these people are his fans, his family. It's his show.

  
Tyler grabs the microphone tighter, taking a deep breath when he feels a sudden pain in his chest. He slows down for a moment, trying to breathe. He hopes the pain will fade away, but instead it increases.

  
Needles pinch through his skin right into his heart. They get deeper and deeper, twisting and turning.

  
Tyler presses a hand to his chest, squeezing his eyes shut. It's okay. He's okay.

  
But the pain makes his body jerk forward. He stumbles into bright, bright light. He can hear his own breathing. It fills his head, settles into his body, too loud to hear his heartbeat.  
There's no heartbeat at all. Tyler screams, a silent scream, clawing at his shirt.

  
He can feels his soul escaping through his mouth, ice-cold on his tongue, the touch of a butterfly's wing.

  
His mouth is dry, his right arm goes numb. The microphone falls down. Tyler's legs give out, his knees hit the floor.

  
It doesn't happen in slow motion. Tyler is unconscious the moment his head hits the floor.

 

 

 

  
Tyler feels weightless, he feels dead. When he opens his eyes, his surroundings are unfamiliar at first, but when he turns his head, he recognizes the color of the wall.  
He's at home, it's his room but all the furniture has been removed. Tyler is laying in a hospital bed.

  
There are needles inside his body, wires connecting him with machines. His head feels light. He wants to lift a hand, but he gets dizzy and stays still. His head hurts.

  
Tyler doesn't know how long he stares at the wall, not thinking because it's too exhausting, just blinking and existing.

  
The door opens and Tyler turns his head.  
It's Josh and he's staring at Tyler. His face is pale and he looks dead tired.

  
Then, he rushes to Tyler's bed.

  
"You're awake. How are you feeling?"

  
Tyler blinks. He tries to speak but not a single word leaves his mouth.

  
"It's okay. You need to rest." Josh says and touches Tyler's shoulder lightly.

  
Tyler closes his eyes and drifts away.

 

 

  
  
The next time he wakes up Josh is next to his bed.

  
"Are you thirsty?" he asks and Tyler nods slowly.

  
Josh brings a cup of water to Tyler's mouth and helps him drink. Water drips down Tyler's chin and Josh wipes it away with his thumb.  
"Are you in pain?"

  
Tyler shakes his head, his body is numb. He lifts his hand and runs it over his head. Tiny stubbles poke his fingers. Somebody shaved his hair off.

  
He tugs at the wires and Josh places a hand on Tyler's to stop him.

  
"Don't. They're helping you."

  
Josh smiles weakly and Tyler stares at the wall.

  
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry this happened to you." Josh says quietly.

  
Tyler looks at Josh, blinking slowly.

  
"I'm here." Josh pats his hand. "You're safe."

  
Tyler doesn't feel like Tyler at all.

 

 

  
  
"What happened?" Tyler asks, his voice hoarse.

  
Josh rubs his face and sighs. "There was something wrong with your heart. A malfunction. They fixed it."

  
"I had a heart attack?" Tyler presses and Josh nods shortly.

  
"Yeah. But it's okay now. You're okay. You were sleeping for a while, but you needed to rest."

  
Tyler nods. He's still weak.

  
"Do you want to try to stand up?" Josh asks.

  
Tyler ponders for a moment and nods. He moves his legs to the side of the bed. Josh grabs his elbow. Slowly, Tyler sits up and slides down until his feet touch the floor.

Josh is pulling him to his feet and they slowly walk to the living room, Tyler leaning on Josh for support.

  
He makes it to the couch and sits down. He's exhausted and his head tilts back, touching the soft cushion of the couch.

  
Seconds later, he's asleep.

 

 

  
  
He needs Josh's help to get up and back to his room again. He's too weak to do it on his own and Josh carries him to the bed. Tyler curls himself up and Josh drapes a blanket over him.

  
"You need time to get better." Josh whispers and presses a kiss on Tyler's cheek.

 

 

 

Tyler wakes up screaming in pain. He's sweating, drops of salty water running down his back.

  
Tears spill out of his eyes and he curls himself up, body wrapped around the blanket, screaming when another wave of pain rushes through his body.

  
Josh is by his side in an instant, rubbing his shoulder.

  
Tyler sobs, his heart twisting inside of him, clenching and unclenching.

  
Josh holds up a needle, roughly grabbing Tyler arm and forcing the liquid into his body.  
He runs his hand through Tyler's short and sweaty hair. Tyler is whimpering, his thin body shaking violently. He feels cold.

  
Josh holds him, telling him it will get better in a few minutes but Tyler feels like dying.

  
He tries to focus on Josh's words but the only thing he can feel is the pain radiating through his body. He can feel his bones rattle against his muscles, can feel the skin falling apart.

  
Josh whispers and promises and after a few minutes the pain fades away.

  
Tyler whishes to be dead.

 

 

  
  
Josh takes Tyler to see a doctor.

  
"You have to be here for a check up." he explains.

Tyler hates the hospital. He doesn't listen to the doctor, Josh does all the speaking.  
They perscribe him pills, different, stronger ones against the pain.

  
"What's wrong with me?" Tyler asks on the way home.

  
Josh grits his teeth. "Nothing. They fixed it. They fixed your heart. You're fine."

  
"I'm not fine." Tyler explains. "I don't understand what's going on."

  
"You're okay." Josh says and Tyler stays in silent.

 

 

 

Sometimes Tyler wakes up and his arms are numb. Josh rubs and massages them until the feeling returns. Tyler watches him, not knowing why he can't feel his fingertips. He hopes his brain won't go numb one day.

  
Sometimes Tyler whimpers in pain and Josh holds him and hands him pills to swallow.  
Tyler swallows a lot of pills. He sleeps and walks around sometimes, strong enough to move on his own. His hair gets longer again.  
Tyler still sleeps in the hospital bed.

Sometimes Josh sleeps next to him, arms wrapped around Tyler's waist and head buried in Tyler's side. Tyler lives for these nights when they're close. He craves for Josh's touch.

  
They still have to go to the hospital twice a month. Tyler isn't allowed to go back on stage. When he asks why, the doctor tells him he needs more time to recover.

 

 

 

  
It's in the middle of the night when Tyler wakes up, the old familiar pain in his chest, but stronger. He sees flashing lights and sees a microphone dropping to the floor. He opens his mouth to scream Josh's name, but he's mute.

Fear fills his brain like black fog. Panic and pain make his fingers go numb.

  
Tyler is wide awake with fear when he flatlines.

 

 

 

  
Josh is next to him and he's crying.

  
"You said they fixed it." Tyler whispers. "You said I was okay. That my heart is okay."

  
"It isn't _your_ heart." Josh cries. "It's not even a real heart."

  
"What?" Tyler stares at him, confused and scared.

  
"It's synthetic. It's not real." Josh wipes his eyes. "It broke. There was something wrong with the wires."

  
Tyler looks at him in horror.

  
He's not dead. But he also isn't alive. He isn't Tyler anymore, just a cyborg, with a machine inside of him instead of a heart.

  
He isn't human.

  
Tyler closes his eyes and hopes that his heart breaks again. This time for good.

 

 

  
  
They give him more pills, they show x-rays to Josh because Tyler refuses to look at them. It looks good, they say. You're healthy.

 

 

 

  
At night he imagines how it looks inside of his body.

  
He can see the machine, the parasite in his body, can see it working, moving, pulsing. He can see the wires, see the lights blinking, see the blood getting pumped through tiny metal rooms. He tastes metal on his tongue no matter how often he brushes his teeth.

  
Tyler hates it. He lost his identity.

  
Tyler was human. He's not human anymore.

 

 

  
  
"I feel like a robot." Tyler says. "It makes me sick."

  
"You're alive." Josh holds his hand.

  
"What if they decide that my brain is not healthy anymore? What if they want to remove it?" Tyler asks.

  
Josh kisses his knuckles. "They won't take your brain."

 

 

 

Malfunction.

  
They took Tyler's heart because it was broken and they threw it away. Tyler imagines his heart being thrown into a dumpster. Rotting flesh. He sees crows picking at it, tearing it apart.

He's broken, too. What if they decide to throw him away? He can't be grateful if the fear is constantly present. The fear is right there, in his head. What is a human being without their heart?

 

 

  
  
"I love you." Josh whispers. "I want you to know that. You're still Tyler. You still play the piano. You still look the same  You're still the same person. A different heart doesn’t change a thing."

  
Josh kisses his cheek. "You're still the Tyler I fell in love with."

  
Josh kisses his collarbone. "You're everything to me."

  
Josh kisses the spot right above his heart. "I love you, Tyler Joseph."

  
Tyler cries and kisses Josh, his hand painfully clawing at Josh's back. "I lost myself. My soul is gone." he whimpers and Josh grabs his hand. He interlinks their fingers.

  
"No, you didn't. You've been here the whole time."

  
When Josh kisses him, Tyler can feel a part of Josh's soul slipping inside of him, ice-cold on his tongue and filling the empty spot in his body.

Tyler can hear the machine working, metal grinding against metal, moving faster, until his heart races and his breath gets heavier.

  
He realizes that his heart was never a machine. It was alive the entire time. Josh is what makes him alive.


End file.
